Did you know your level of sexual passion is related to your passion for life in general? Just consider it for a moment. How much happiness do you experience with your family, your friends, your work, or your hobbies? How much passion do you feel for your spouse outside your sex life? Because if you’re not finding passion together in the simple things such as fixing a meal, going for a walk, or even sharing things about your day, it’s only natural that you’ll also find it lacking in the bedroom.
Passion for Life
On a scale of 1 to 10 (10 being the highest), rank your passion for life in general. If your score is low, you might be experiencing fear, frustration, feelings of lack, or boredom. You might even be depressed. Sometimes mild or even pervasive feelings of sadness, gloom, and despair can come out of nowhere and affect men and women very differently. Let’s consider both…
Men without passion…
Men often don’t want to express their feelings of worry or sadness—even to their wives and family. In this culture, men are expected to be non emotional, you know… the strong silent types, like John Wayne, who can handle anything. But in reality, roughly six million American men are diagnosed with depression each year. And millions more suffer in silence.
A large number of depressed men fall into the “tough guy” category. A “tough guy” is often unaware of his depression and minimizes his feelings as stress. But if you pay attention to their non-verbal behavior, you’ll see subtle evidence of stress, unhappiness, or discontent.
These buried feelings can manifest themselves physically as stomach ulcers, high blood pressure, or chronic back or joint pain. In fact, depressed men contribute greatly to the estimated $83 billion in lost productivity and medical costs in America annually.
But the costs can be so much higher. In the face of unrecognized depression, families are disrupted… careers are ruined… and marriages destroyed. This is the legacy of our cultural expectations of men.
Women without passion…
Statistics show that more women are diagnosed with depression than men. The reason? Women are very willing to verbalize their emotions and seek out help from a licensed professional, family members, or friends.
Hormonal problems can cause depression in women. However, the biggest cause of clinical depression is not feeling loved and unconditionally accepted— especially by the significant men in her life (husband, father, brothers, etc.).
For most women, relationships are everything. So when her relationships aren’t healthy, the woman herself can become sick. This can show up as weight gain, headaches, digestive illness, insomnia, excessive sleeping or fatigue, or even fibromyalgia and other chronic pain.
Depression can be compounded by pessimistic thinking, feeling out of control at home, and worrying about the future. These feelings can be made worse by disapproval, non-acceptance, or emotional withdrawal from her husband.
Until a woman feels cared about, supported, and beautiful, she won’t open her heart. A loving husband can help her regain self-esteem, and through effective communication a couple can heal their relationship. It can also boost their passion for life, and with it, their sexual desire.
But it’s important to remember the first rule of intimacy…
Non-sexual love first…
Many couples are very romantic, whether they have consistently great sex or not! These couples understand non-sexual intimacy. How can intimacy be non-sexual?
Intimacy is not just about sexual gratification. The word intimacy means, “into me you see.” So, intimacy occurs when two people step off their mental judgments about one another and focus on their feelings for one another.
If you focus on “non-sexual love” first, you’ve taken your first step towards sexual intimacy. And the second step is to activate…
Your biggest sexual organ…
Believe it or not, the brain is your biggest sexual organ. Your thoughts and feelings can dramatically impact your enjoyment of sexual intimacy.
This right “frame of mind” is essential to wonderful lovemaking. But if you haven’t been intimate for awhile, it’s like a car that’s been sitting for several months. Your hormones won’t kick in right away. However, there are ways to get them going:
- Fantasize. See yourself having the greatest sexual encounter you can possibly imagine. This is a great way to “fire up” your body.
- Release negative feelings. Let go of worries, stress, and anger to focus on the “now” moment.
- Awaken your senses. Your sex drive responds to sounds, scents, and even sights. Try music, candles, fragrant body oils… be creative!
It’s okay to try new things and celebrate the physical connection between you and your partner. But if you’ve tried all of these ideas to stimulate your sex life and you’re still having trouble, it could be a number of things. For example…
Poor nutrition can cause a lack of passion…
Your passion for life, including your sex life, is directly influenced by nutrition. Example: Research has proven that caffeine and sugar can contribute to depression and insomnia. Remember how sluggish you feel after a rich dessert?
On the other hand, when I eat healthy whole-food, I experience increased energy and vitality that lasts all day. So what foods should you eliminate to ramp up your passion?
Begin by eliminating refined sugar. It also helps to avoid caffeine and alcohol in excess. Identify food allergies with elimination diets, refraining from eating those foods for several months to allow your immune system to reset itself.
To clean the remaining toxins from your body, you can perform a liquid cleanse followed by a healthy diet filled with juicing and nutrient-rich whole foods. This will lift both your mood and your energy levels. But everyone knows that…
Fatigue can be the enemy of romance…
Fatigue can zap your passion and your sex life. What causes this bone-numbing lethargy? It could be low or high thyroid levels, low cortisol, low human growth hormone, low testosterone, low progesterone, low DHEA, or low blood count.
However, it’s important to consider the effects of prescription medicines, especially drugs for antihypertensives or antidepressants. Loss of sexual desire is a well-known side effect.
It’s possible to get off these fatigue-causing prescription drugs and get your sex life back by committing to a lifestyle of true health. My program, “90 Days to True Health™,” offers complete teaching for healthy diet and lifestyle, including how to prepare your kitchen for your new lifestyle; how to shop for and prepare tasty whole-food meals; how to enjoy exercise; how to meditate; how to perform a liquid cleanse; and much, much more.
For details about “90 Days to True Health™,” go to www.truehealth.com. But what if you’re eating right… feeling lots of energy… and still having trouble with your sexual intimacy? For some people…
Moral beliefs can get in the way…
Valerie Davis Raskin, M.D., author of Between Husband and Wife: Gospel Perspectives on Marital Intimacy offers great advice that strikes at the core of many couples’ inhibitions (www.marriedromance.com) when it comes to sex and morality. She references the Holy Bible, specifically chapters or verses that speak to the sanctity of marriage, like 1 Corinthians chapter 7:
2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. 3 Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: And likewise also the wife unto the husband. 4 The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.
According to Dr. Raskin, “every thing we do, including sex, should be done in a selfless manner. In this way, we maximize our love and enjoyment of each other. If you’re a Christian husband, you honor your wife by knowing how to please her sexually.”
Dr. Raskin also recommends a very tasteful guide, Sexual Skills for the Christian Husband. To download, visit www.sexuallyskilledhusband.com.
Natural herbs can spark your sex life…
Prescription drugs like Viagra®, Cialis®, or Levitra® can effectively boost the sex drive, but they can also be expensive and have dangerous or even lethal side effects. For this reason, if you absolutely need them, consider some natural sexual enhancers instead.
According to the 2005 edition of Consumer Health Digest, the top-ranked natural sex-enhancers for women are Fematril, Exotica, Passion Rx, Erostat, Vimaca, and Sentia. These herbal combinations are considered to be extremely safe, affordable and effective, and often contain natural herbs like Damiana leaf, Epimedium, Black Cohosh root, Isoflavones, Valerian root, Ginger root, Gingko Biloba, Bayberry fruit, Licorice root, Capsicum pepper, and Red Raspberry leaf.
Natural libido-enhancing products for men are aimed at increasing genital blood flow. As reported in the 2005 version of the Consumer Health Digest, the top-ranked sex enhancers for men, based on effectiveness, safety, and price, are Enzyte, SizePro, Prosolution, VigRX, and Libidus.
These natural alternatives can do some good, and I’m not opposed to you trying them. But please don’t depend on them any longer than you need to.
Regardless of your age, you deserve to be happy. So it’s important to restore your passion for life. Once you feel passion again, you can experience increased joy in your intimate relationship and reignite the flames of your sexual desire.