The simple sex secret that could save your life

Sex is good for your health. There’s no doubt about that. A satisfying sex life not only makes you happier and less stressed, but it also lowers your blood pressure, boosts your immune system and reduces your risk of heart disease.

But after decades in a marriage or committed relationship, it’s pretty common for the sexual spark to fizzle out. In fact, scientists even have a name for it. It’s called the intimacy-desire paradox…

Basically, it means that as your intimacy and familiarity level with someone goes up, your sexual desire for them goes down. And when that happens, your heart… and your body can suffer.

Based on anecdotal evidence the intimacy-desire paradox seems to hold a lot of weight. But whether this theory is true or not, researchers have recently discovered a simple relationship secret that can overcome this pesky paradox and keep sexual passions strong for the long haul.

According to researchers from the Interdisciplinary Center (IDC) in Herzliya, Israel, the secret to successful sexual relationships is responsiveness.

Their research suggests that if you have responsiveness in a relationship, you can throw the intimacy-desire paradox out the window. Because not only does it make romantic partners more emotionally intimate, but it spurs on sexual desire to boot.

But you may be wondering… what exactly is responsiveness?

Well, a responsive partner listens to you, understands you and cares about your emotional needs and concerns. When a partner is responsive to you, it makes you and the relationship you’re in feel special and unique. It also makes you feel loved and desirable. All of these feelings combined cause you to see your partner as a valuable mate… which makes you more sexually attracted to him or her.

Although their findings about responsiveness applied to both sexes, researchers found that responsiveness was an especially good aphrodisiac for women. When women have responsive partners, they’re more likely than men to feel special and experience strong levels of desire for their partner as a result.

So now that you know about the relationship-restoring powers of responsiveness, it’s a matter of just putting it to work so you can be a more responsive partner. And hopefully your partner will follow your lead. Here are three easy ways to boost responsiveness in your relationship:

1. Be a good listener

When someone doesn’t listen to you, it makes you feel undervalued… like what you say and feel isn’t important. So do your best to listen to your partner and encourage him or her to do the same for you. All it takes is a bit of conscious effort on your part. Stay present as he or she talks. Tune out your own thoughts and outside distractions so you can fully take-in what he or she is saying. And always follow the cardinal rule of good listening… don’t interrupt.

2. Be understanding

Try to look at things from your partner’s perspective. If your partner is dealing with a challenge, empathize with him or her. And if you’re having a hard time doing that, ask him or her questions about his or her thoughts and feelings so you can truly understand. Avoid being selfish and only thinking about how your partner’s problems affect you. A good way to show that you understand your partner is by summarizing or paraphrasing what he or she says.

3. Be thoughtful and compassionate

Do things daily that demonstrate to your partner that you care about him or her. And hopefully he or she will do the same for you (thoughtfulness usually breeds more thoughtfulness, after all). Cook for each other. Take care of each other when you’re sick. Do whatever you can to show your partner you care about his or her well-being.

Follow these simple tips and you’ll master responsiveness in your relationship. Before you know it, you will be well on your way to a better, more satisfying relationship… and healthy sex life!

Sources:

1. A. Hall, R. Shackelton, R.C. Rosen, A.B. Araujo.“Sexual Activity, Erectile Dysfunction, and Incident Cardiovascular Events.” The American Journal of Cardiology. January 15, 2010. Volume 105, Issue 2, p. 192–197.

2. Brody. “Blood pressure reactivity to stress is better for people who recently had penile-vaginal intercourse than for people who had other or no sexual activity.” Biological Psychology. 2006 Feb;71(2):214-22.

3. J. Charnetski, F.X. Brennan. “Sexual frequency and salivary immunoglobulin A (IgA).” Psychological Reports. 2004 Jun;94(3 Pt 1):839-44.

4. E. Birnbaum et al, Intimately Connected: The Importance of Partner Responsiveness for Experiencing Sexual Desire., Journal of Personality and Social Psychology (2016).

5. “The Most Important Quality You Can Find in a Partner.” Psychology Today. https://www.psychologytoday.com. Retrieved July 22, 2016.